So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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