He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
