I am spending my child support on dildos
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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