He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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