I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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