Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
