Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
