There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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