what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
