It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
