i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
