My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
