I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
