If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
