Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
