there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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