Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
