I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
