Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
