come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
