I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
