Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
