So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
