Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
