the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
