I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
