This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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