Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
