So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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