Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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