i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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