My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
