I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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