Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
