You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
