I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
