my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
