I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
