is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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