Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
MIDGETS
????
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize