Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
