FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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