Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
