Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
