Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
