I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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