NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
