all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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