this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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