I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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