Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
