ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
