no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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