you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
