Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
