it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize