I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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