In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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