Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
