At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize