I wish I only lived at night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize