so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize