so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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