The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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