she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
