the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
