my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize