Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
