I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
