There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
