There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
