Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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