Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
