He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
