i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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